loss

I just found out that my high school friend has passed away. Damen was not my best friend, but we certainly shared some funny memories and moments.

I remember actually how I first tried pot with him in his room and he got really paranoid and we tried to smoke whatever weed he had from an apple. He was just so chill and nice.

He would always laugh at Zhanel and my stupid jokes in class. And sometimes we could talk about music, or gossip and bitch about other people.

But he was always nice. I could never say anything bad about him. His soul was pure, I know that. And I hope that whatever trouble he was going through, he overcame it. And I hope he found his peace.

He was very talented and unique. His music, his style.

Last time I saw him was actually in Toronto. He came to my apartment at 1001 and we smoked up one more time. And then we went out exploring Toronto whilst high, getting our munchies at some burger joint on Yonge street, listening to music at my place afterwards. It was my “hippie” Bohemian careless period and seeing Damen only made things more chill and simple.

I wish we could have hanged out more.

This whole thing just makes me sad. Really. I can’t even fully realize that I will never be able to see this person. And I would have to talk about him in past tense. I think of my classmates now and then, how are they doing, what are they up to kind of thing. Sometimes I stalk them lol

And losing one of your classmates is heartbreaking, because no one deserve to die so young. But life is life, no matter how unfair it can get.

I just feel like death is invisible sometimes. It is everywhere. It is inevitable but at the same time I feel like it is an illusion sometimes. I really want to keep it that way, because I have no idea how to cope with that. I have no idea what his mother and close friends and relatives are going through. But I wish them to stay strong.

I feel like none of us actually know what it is until you come face-to-face with it. And I wish none of us to have that as long as we can.

I have this really bad feeling in my heart. I remember posting about my feelings. And right now I feel something. That deep ache inside my heart. My throat is dry and my face is kind of wobbly and zombie-like. This is how I am when I am sad. I also think a lot. And write.

I wish you Damen to rest in peace. You will be missed.

 

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