When I get older…

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Funny how adults ask us all the time throughout our childhood, who we want to be when we grow up? Why do we have to come up with a certain answer? Why does it have to be a profession, a career path? Why do have to define ourselves solely in those terms? Is our vision of our future limited to just those things? Is it really who want to be in say 15 years? Is your whole life about being a doctor? Or is there more to this question than we might think?

Yes, numerous relatives, guests and other people used to ask me this since I was able to speak. And at first I don’t remember what I said, but I clearly remember that I was always confused by that question. I didnt like this question at all because people were looking at me and expecting a very specific response. And then they’d smile, when I said “I don’t know” and ask me again. “Think about it, what do you like?” Of course as a child I liked to play and fool around, I liked drawing and playing outdoors. So, was this the right answer? They shake their head “no”. So, what is it then? Why can’t you work and have fun at the same time? Why is it that drawing is not considered a “normal” job? Some people think that real job has to bring “the pain” and “the satisfaction”, and obviously “the bread”. And that’s true. A job has to challenge an individual, but if it brings no joy, what is the point I ask myself?

A lot of students of my age are having troubles of finding their true “passion”. Sometimes, they know the answer, but they deny themselves a luxury of following that path. Because its hard, because its wrong etc. In other cases, we are bound by the choices our parents made for us, and even though I think that parents only wish right for you, they are still not you. They might be concerned for your future but if they truly want their child to be happy, they should let them find their own path, journey to the final destination.

Therefore, when thinking about “who you want to be when you grow up”, don’t think of stupid profession and such things. Think of yourself and who you are now, and then think of who you would like to become. I would like to become more wise, kind, tolerant. I would like to help more people and make an impact. I would like to travel. I would like to be able to sustain myself at the point where I don’t have to reject myself certain things “pleasures” of life. As much as I wish to be alienated from material world, I know it’s hard to do it, when you have been socialized your whole life into it. Unfortunately, the only escape, is the wilderness. And will I be able to make it there? I don’t think so. But sometimes, when I need an escape from this cynical world full of “must do’s” and bound by a hand of watch, concrete jungles and machines, I want to be able to do it. Because I believe we are only true ourselves when are not bound by all these material, “real” things. And put real into quotation marks, because it’s a concept open to interpretation. It’s what your believe in that matters.

Don’t listen to what other people tell you. Do what brings you pleasure, because in the end, material pleasures that your job will bring you, won’t matter as much as your inner-state. If having a family and being a mother/father brings you true happiness, then do it! If challenging yourself academically and developing intellectually [and spiritually] is vital for you, then do it! If you want to escape the world and learn more about other cultures and languages, then do it.

Don’t become your own hangman. Be your own emancipator. Release your wings. Let your soul sour into the skies. Be the architect.

 

this was a flow of conscious. not edited.

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All good things

Finally, 2o14 World Cup Championship is here! I can’t even tell how excited I am because I love Brazil, i love football and i love summer. For me, this time represents a time for fun, friends and festivities. It also brings back memories of Summer 2010 for me, one of the best summers I’ve had frankly speaking.

A lot has changed in 4 years. Now, I am in Toronto. Summer is here! This year I am definitely going to watch my favorite teams playing, and hopefully will have a chance to cheer for them in some sports bar. Unfortunately, Kazakhstan’s national team didnt make it, but maybe next time…

So, let the games begin and let the summer begin as well!

Синдром “Summertime Sadness”: Как бороться?

Как-то тяжко стало на душе. Может быть это погода, над Торонто сегодня сгустились серые тучи, и я уже чувствую запах дождя в воздухе.

Ненавижу такую погоду, хотя-бы потому что сложно выбраться с постели и такое ощущение, что все планы и цели, намеченные на день пойдут коту под хвост. Вот скажите, что делать в таких дня, чтобы оставаться позитивной и не грустить?

Наверное стоит начать день с контрастного душа, которым я в последнее время увлеклась. Конечно, если вы привыкли нежиться под теплой струкой воды каждый день, то не стоит сразу же обливать себя бидонами ледяной воды – начинайте потихоньку, чередуя теплые потойки с прохладными и вам уже станет лучше! Вы взбодритесь и почувствуете, что сон постепенно проходит!

Однако, порой в самые тяжелые дни, этого недостаточно. Тогда, если я знаю, что у меня есть время, я начинаю приводить свою комнату в порядок и больше двигаться. Если есть дополнительное время, то я обязательно сделаю какую-нибудь разминочку –  в общем суть одна, двигайтесь больше!

Следующая стадия – моя любимая. Это кухня. Как жаль, что больше меня не встречает улыбка мамы и вкуснейший в мире завтрак, сделанный ее руками. Нет, кухня пуста и холодна как сердце “моей бывшей”. о да давно мечтала сделать это сравнение. Но не стоит переживать, волноваться и депрессировать! Я надеюсь, что у вас холодильнике найдется что-нибудь съедобное помимо повесившейся от голода мышки пустых контейнеров и просроченного кетчупа! Иначе, утро не утро. Лично я никуда не выхожу если не позавтракаю. И даже если я опаздываю на пары, то лучше пожертвую “марафетом”, нежели пропускать “святое”.

Тут, естественно вам в помощь кофе или чай. Вчерашний остывший чай, кстати говоря, содержит в себе больше кафеина! Дерзайте! Ха-ха. Нет, стоп. Приготовьте себе что-нибудь вкусненькое. Гренки, омлет, овсянка, тост с сыром, свежие фрукты. Все что ваша душа пожелает, главное покушайте и я обещаю, что вы сможете покорить мир!

Ну а теперь, у вас осталось ровно 5 минут, чтобы быстро собраться. Не надо паниковать, включайте мозг и думайте! Хватайте свои рюкзаки, кошельки, ключи. Надевайте трусы, если вы этого еще не сделали, вряд ли ваш босс оценит! бедные нудисты, до сих пор не могут найти пристанища в столь скованном обществе.

Ну и начинайте свой день с улыбкой! Улыбайтесь! Если вы идете пешком, то выберите другой путь к своему месту назначения. Оглянитесь вокруг, даже если все настолько уныло, подумайте о хорошем. Я лично начинаю думать про Ямайку, пальмы и холодные коктейли. Найдите позитивные мысли, не загружайте себя, не планируйте слишком далеко. Но если и это не помогает и вы совсем уже печальны, то обрадуйте себя – купите себе мороженое или какую-нибудь побрякушку. Не ленитесь в такие дни и не впадайте в депрессию!

Всем хорошего дня, я пошла кушать!

GoT Recap

This episode was even more shocking than Red Wedding/Purple Wedding. Oberyn became one of the most vibrant characters on GoT (plus the accent and charisma) but they way he died. The whole dynamic of the scene. It was paralyzing. It was unexpected. It was just so GoT. Getting killed the same way by the man who also killed and raped his own sister. It is down inhumane.

But another highlight of this episode was the conversation between Tyrion and Jaime. The writers know how to use dialog to convey certain hidden meanings. Personally, I interpreted this as the foreshadowing of Tyrion’s death. The “Orson cousin” with his beetle crashing foreshadowed the death of Oberyn or maybe it has some other meaning.

The change of Sansa. She learned her lesson in King’s Landing. But now she is not an innocent girl anymore. I was very sad to see her appearance change as well because it only emphasized the old Sansa was gone, now she is another figure in the game.

Overall, I still like this show despite all the gruesome scenes. It has its own distinct flavour. I think GoT will definitely become a cult thing at least as long as the series live and maybe even after that!