Random Facts About Me

Hi guys. Couple of my followers requested a “random facts” post, so here it goes!

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1. I like trying new things and “experimenting” because I believe that you’re only given one life and it’s short. It’s boring to do same stuff everyday!

2. I am afraid of heights.

3. Favourite coffee-shop? Definitely Gloria Jeans! But I also like small, boutique-style cafes.

4. I like running.

5. I get attracted to open-minded, social and independent people. I can’t find common ground with snobbish, pessimistic people who don’t think far. 

6. I’m very disorganized, but not messy!

7. My favourite current-time band is Oasis and all the other bands from early 90’s

8. If I could change one thing about me I’d want to be a bit taller.

9. If I had one superpower I’d want to teleport.

10. My getaway place would be a crystal-clear lake surrounded by beautiful mountains and forests.

 

 

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Friendship

Иногда мне кажется, что дружба понятие мифическое, и является настолько редким явлением, что можно считать это даром Бога. Настоящая дружба. Что это такое?

Я не верю, что у человека может быть много друзей. Настоящих друзей в жизни человека могут быть лишь несколько. И это те люди, которыми он действительно дорожит. В детстве, я наивно верила, что могу умереть ради друзей и они сделают тоже самое. Мы могли просто так бросать слова на ветер, ведь в таком возрасте они ничего не значат и ты не знаешь настоящую цену дружбе.
С возрастом я стала понимать, что нельзя ничего требовать от людей. Ни раз я по собственной разочаровывалась в каких-то людях. Наверное это было у каждого, когда по наивности вы доверились другу, но у него получилось подставить спину в нужный момент? Мне, слава богу, не представлялось испытать настоящего предательства за спиной, однако были моменты когда мне было действительно тяжело и я понимала, что не к кому обратиться за помощью.

Друзья – люди, которые не будут спешить судить тебя. Они выслушают, поймут и поддержут. Но иногда, надо наоборот, отговорить, вдолбить что-то в ум, раскрыть глаза другу. Вот именно в такие моменты я понимаю, кто действительно друг, а кто просто спутник на этом жизненном этапе. И все это нормально.

Нормально, знакомиться и встречаться с людьми, весело проводить время и узнавать много нового для себя. Ведь иногда общение со старыми друзьями уже не приносит каких-то новых эмоций, непредсказуемости. Однако в душе все равно остаешься верен и привязан к самым старым приятелям, тем которых проверили и время и пространство. Мне повезло иметь замечательных подруг, с которыми я общаюсь, несмотря на то что, видимся мы лишь летом и на каникулах.

Но порой я опять забываюсь и снова ожидаю много от друзей. Ведь на самом деле большинство людей обладают здравым эгоизмом, инстинктом самосохранения итд. Ведь надо в первую очередь подумать а себе. И я никого не виню, ведь это жизнь. Но сегодня я расстроилась когда подруга, которую я попросила помочь, так и ничего не сделала. В такие моменты понимаю, что нельзя ни на кого полагаться. Надо что-то сделать? Сделай сам. 

Уметь быть хорошим другом, плечом, жилеткой, боевой подругой, сестрой – все это умение, которое приходит лишь с годами и усилиями. Поэтому надо ценить, то что у тебя есть. Обращаться с людьми так, как хотел бы с тобой. А на нет и суда нет.

Harry Potter Fanfiction

Okay, so this post is only for those of you who are obsessed with HP. I made this while I was waiting for my appointment, because I was really bored, didnt have WI-FI and suddenly inspiration came upon me.

So, what can I say. I am a very weird person. People think they know me – but they don’t. I dont make an impression of a “creative dork type” who is obsessed with books and tv-shows. But everyone has a different side, this time I finally decided to share this.

Of course, I have some secret HP Fanfics written but I never shared them. Party because I never finished them. This part is actually one of the chapters of the bigger stuff I am writing. Basically, I wanted to write a story about Greengrass sisters. There is been a lot written about Astoria, so my main focus is her older sister Daphne, but I can never skip some good Draco&Astoria. So, without further ado.

This is just a rough-draft version. Like very rough. I just wrote it down on my phone and saved in my notes. Feedback would be great though.

 

It was late. Almost 2 o’clock now. And the whole town was heavily asleep. Every tree, every stone, every bird, every little kid was under a sleeping curse. And only one person was wide awake. And she heard the whole house being sunken into a dream. She heard its heavy, slow breathe. It was so quiet that even a mouse wiggled its tail – she would have heard it.
Astoria Greengrass couldn’t fall asleep. Thoughts in her head were running crazy and she was far too excited and scared to even thought of dreaming. At first she was excited, almost daydreaming. But all the nasty things crept up on her after midnight. The fears, the doubts, the worst possible nightmares of her life. It all came down on her under a weight of the night, hiding its face in the darkness. She was terrified.
At first it was little things. Like Banshee witches and creepy things. Then it took forms far greater. Daphne being hurt and crying.  Parents disappointed with her. But then she could almost hear the wedding bells in this silence. Which in a second changed to funeral bells and someone’s crying. Astoria came to an awe recognizing it. And the pale skin of her mother and father. The trembling voice of Daphne accusing her.
Suddenly that illusion faded giving its place to something else. Something dark. A figure in a tall, black gown, its face hidden under a hood. But she could see his pale hands, the wand in his long arms. And then, to her own shock she saw it. A picture of skull engraved into the skin. It glowed green and smelled rotten. But the worst was when the figure finally opened its hood revealing the face. Draco Malfoy was there, standing above her bed,  crazy look in his eyes. He didn’t look like himself. He was a Death Eater. And he was going to kill her.
– Astoria, wake up!
– NO! – she screamed, one of her hands automatically defending her face, the other reaching for a wand. But his pale and strong hand has quickly stopped her arm.
– It was just a dream, calm down! You fell asleep. – he soothingly said and he cautiously and gently run down his hands on her arms. Her skin was so cold.
– More like a nightmare. I am sorry I fell asleep, I didnt even realize.
– Dont worry, we still have time, are you okay?
– Yes, I’m fine, Draco. – she pushed out a smile but he saw right through her. A concerned look on his face got even more concerned but that made Astoria feel a little better. He cared. He was still himself. And she believed in him despite almost everyone else turned their backs on him.
– Here, you’re freezing. – He said and covered her with a woolen blanket.
– Thank you.
– What was it? You look so pale and terrified, Astoria. You sure you want to do this?
Now that he asked her this question, she lost her confidence again. All these doubts have been creeping on her since the morning and she was feeling rather queasy but she was a good actress. She enthusiastically shook her head no trying to show her bravery.
– No way, I’m not backing off of this. I want to do this.
But not with him. Her tricks never worked on him.
– You are not fooling me Astoria Greengrass. What was it?
– It was nothing. I’m fine, really.
– Really? – the questioning look on his blue eyes was penetrating her. She let him sit next to her on bed. He sat on a corner.
– It was this nightmare – she sighed. She wanted to share it but she wasn’t sure she could tell this to Draco. But if she didn’t, she would be thinking about it the whole time.
– There all these terribly things. Things I was afraid of. My parents were dead. And Daphne hated my guts! And then…- her voice was cut-off, trembling. – You came… You were a Death Eater, Draco. – she finally said and fear was shaking her. He quickly and gently reached for her hand.
Draco didnt know answers to many things, but he knew that he loved this young lady. And he would do anything for her to be happy. Losing her would be like losing a part of himself. Yes, he could live without it. But he didnt want to. Because she brought in light and hope into his life. Astoria was the only person who believed in him and now her belief was somewhat shaken. This time it was his turn to be strong. To be optimistic.
– Astoria, I’m here. I’m not a Death Eater. Trust me, this is just all in your head. You’re stressed out.

– I know. It’s nothing, you know I trust you.

– Wait, listen. You were the one who drag me out of this shadow I’ve been living in for past couple years.  I used to be everything you despised. People I thought were close to me turned their backs after war was over. And yet. You were the one to see the best in me. I haven’t changed. I’m the same. But I finally let go of the past. It’s over. I want to begin a new life with you, Astoria.

They sat in silence for a few short moments. She looked in his grey eyes, barely stopping herself from crying. Astoria was such a chicken. She would always blow this kind of crucial moments. Back out from making important decision and so on. But his speech made her feel better. More confident. He never spoke like that, anyway. Sometime she couldnt even get a few words out of him.

– Now, you’re talking. – she chuckled and hugged him.
– Yes, we can’t let anything come in the way. We’re finally going to be together. And I love you.
– I love you too. – He hugged her back but a sound from somewhere around the house made him regain his focus. – We need to go now, not much time left. Have you collected your things?

– Yes, I am ready – she only had the most important things. The letters, a family ring, an album and few other essentials. Those things were dear to her heart. She still felt a sting of the pain to be doing such a horrible thing to her parents. To Daphne. But somehow she was sure that Daphne will understand. Aren’t they sister, after all? She put on her dark-navy velvet gown, hiding her face under a hood. Draco took care of her belongings. He decided to give her a few moments by herself and went to the balcony.

– So, that’s it. – She wasnt sure how to say goodbye.  Astoria was never good at farewells. This was the house she grew up in. And even though at times she hated it, for a second she wanted to go back being a reckless child again. When all of this didnt matter to her. When all she wanted to do is run around catching butterflies her dad made. Her parents. She did not want to think about how they’d react next morning when they won’t find her in her bed. Mother will be devastated. Father will just go deeper into himself. And Daphne will never be able to make him smile again. They’d never speak of her. And she’d always think of them with a flinch of pain. This young, 19-year silly old girl who was madly in love. And that was it.

She left her room, took him by the hand, meeting his eyes.

– I’m ready – she smiled, nodding. And in this fleeting moment before they dissolved into thin cold air, they shared a gentle kiss. Full of love and light and hope. Vanishing into forever.

Is it you April?

Yes. April has finally come. Seems it’s been not so long ago that I barely said goodbye to the cold winter of 2014. I haven’t written anything for a while because I took a spontaneous holiday trip to Dubai to visit my sister there and obviously relax and enjoy the best weather.

March in UAE is perfect, apart from jellyfish lying all over the beach. But even those couldn’t spoil my break. But now I am back to reality and its time to gather myself up and start focusing on my academics and future.

It’s pretty daunting to think about future. It’s so abstract and elusive. You think, you make plans and some things do work out, while some things don’t. But better to be ready, than not.

So, even though a while ago I couldn’t wait for April to come, now I am trying so hard to catch this time. If only we could stop the clock from moving, right? I hope that my plans for summer will work out and I’ll catch up on the stuff I missed during this year. I sound pretty hopeful, even though most of the nights I can’t sleep if I start thinking about it.

Because it’s at night, while you are waiting impatiently for your dreams to come; to finally sink down in your most sacred illusions, the fears and doubts start creeping up on you like tiny bugs. I am afraid. Afraid to fail. Afraid to be left behind. To be left alone, forgotten, unrealized. But I know that as long as I have those fears, I am not lost. For only, a person who truly doesn’t care, has lost himself.

But sometimes I do feel lost. I don’t what to do, where to go. I mean it takes literally 15 to 20 minutes to decide on what kind of beverage I want in a cafe. Some people are determined and assertive. They know what they want and they know how to get it. And they will get it. And me. I am not that type. I am the type that changes its decision thousand times in a minute and still not sure about the whole thing. So then, how can be I sure that I chose the right? I hear people saying “listen to your heard” kind of crap. But what if you can not afford yourself such a luxury? I know that billions of people are not doing something their “heart” told them to. Because they can’t, because it’s not wise to paint pictures when you have a huge family and don’t even have to pennies to rub together. That’s life.

That’s why I guess sometimes I get angry at those indie movies that show people who don’t give a fuck about all these present material things. They have their guitar or whatever,  a friend and they sing songs and they are happy. While people like me are caught up in this miserable consumerist world. But I am a consumerist. I am judgmental conformist. But I believe that in every and each of us deep down there lies a part that just wants to love and to be loved. I believe that’s all we really need. To belong.

And right now that’s what i am lacking. A sense of belonging. Of security. But I only started my journey and hopefully I am heading the right direction. After all, losing is not an option. And I am not going to fail.